did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize