I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize