New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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