Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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