Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize