Can i not drive my cunt home
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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