a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize