God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize