If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
zippers are such a cool invention
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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