Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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