my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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