Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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