Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize