What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize