i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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