Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize