i wish my penis had a tongue
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize