Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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