Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
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In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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