your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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