Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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