someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize