He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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