Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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