great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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