i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
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How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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