wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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