R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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