He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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