saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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