What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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