You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize