Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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