Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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