Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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