So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize