I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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