Ketchup is God's man juice
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize