I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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