I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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