she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize