Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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