Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
