Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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