I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize