I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's blow job season.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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