idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize