We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize