I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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