Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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