my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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