hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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